In our day-to-day interactions, whether personal or professional, we all encounter moments where we feel the urge to defend ourselves or deflect information. Perhaps it’s during an argument with a loved one, receiving feedback at work, or when someone challenges our beliefs. These moments can trigger a knee-jerk reaction to protect ourselves, to justify, explain, or retreat behind a defensive wall. But what if, instead of reacting with defensiveness, we used these moments as opportunities for growth by simply saying, *“Tell me more”?
At its core, the impulse to defend ourselves often stems from fear—a fear of being wrong, misunderstood, or even unworthy. When we dig deeper into this fear, we find that it is rooted in how we define ourselves and the subconscious beliefs we hold about who we are. By shifting our mindset to one of curiosity and openness, and embracing the spiritual power of "I Am," we can move from fear-based reactions to a place of empowerment and growth.
In this article, we’ll explore the transformative power of using "Tell me more" in moments of defensiveness, how fear plays into our reactions, and how integrating the "I Am" principle can help you align with your core values and redefine yourself.
Defensiveness: A Mask for Fear
It’s easy to recognize defensiveness when it happens. You might feel your heart rate increase, your palms get sweaty, and a sense of unease wash over you as you prepare to shield yourself from what feels like an attack. But beneath the surface, what’s really happening?
Defensiveness is a form of resistance, and resistance is often rooted in fear. When someone questions or critiques us, it can trigger a fear response that says, *“I am not enough,” or “I am wrong.” This fear of inadequacy, rejection, or failure can be overwhelming, and our ego steps in to protect us by building barriers—deflection, denial, or justification.
But the fear-based ego is not who we truly are. The core of our being is much more powerful, grounded in the divine truth of the "I Am" principle. This principle teaches that we are not defined by external opinions, judgments, or even our own limiting beliefs. We are defined by our conscious choice of who we claim to be. The defensive reaction we experience is a signal that we are operating from fear, rather than from the empowered, authentic self.
The Power of "Tell Me More"
So how can we begin to break the cycle of defensiveness? It starts with a shift in perspective—a shift from fear to curiosity. In those moments when we feel the urge to defend ourselves, we can instead pause and say, *“Tell me more.”
This simple phrase opens the door to deeper understanding and invites the other person to share their perspective without judgment. It’s a way of turning down the volume on fear and tuning into the present moment. By asking someone to tell you more, you’re signaling that you are willing to listen, to explore, and to learn. You are also reminding yourself that there is no need to defend your worth, because your worth is not in question.
Here’s how the power of "Tell me more" can shift the dynamic:
- Defuses tension: When you respond with curiosity rather than defensiveness, you lower the emotional temperature of the conversation. The other person no longer feels like they’re in opposition to you, and you’re both able to engage in a more productive dialogue.
- Invites deeper understanding: By asking the other person to elaborate, you’re able to gain insights into their perspective. This not only helps you understand where they’re coming from, but it may also reveal blind spots in your own thinking.
- Shifts from reaction to reflection: Instead of immediately reacting to criticism or feedback, "Tell me more" gives you space to reflect on what’s being said. It allows you to process the information before responding in a thoughtful way.
- Builds connection: When we listen with openness and curiosity, we strengthen our relationships. Asking someone to share more shows that you value their input, which fosters mutual respect and connection.
Fear and the Disconnection from "I Am"
To fully understand the power of this approach, it’s important to examine the role of fear. As we’ve established, defensiveness is often a manifestation of fear—fear of being wrong, of being misunderstood, of losing control. But what is the root of that fear? It’s a disconnection from the "I Am" principle.
When we feel the need to defend or deflect, we are operating from a belief that we need to prove ourselves. This belief comes from a place of lack—“I am not enough,” “I am inadequate,” or “I am unworthy.” These fear-based beliefs form the foundation of how we perceive ourselves, and they are deeply embedded in our subconscious. As long as we operate from this limited identity, we will continue to feel the need to protect it through defensiveness.
However, the power of "I Am" offers a radical shift. This principle teaches that we have the ability to define ourselves through conscious choice, rather than through fear or external circumstances. When we say "I Am," we are affirming our true nature—one that is whole, complete, and empowered. From this space of empowerment, there is no need to defend ourselves, because we recognize that our worth is inherent and unshakable.
Using "I Am" to Align with Core Values
By embracing the "I Am" principle, we can align our responses to situations—especially challenging ones—with our core values. When defensiveness arises, it’s a signal that our identity is being threatened in some way. But if we are grounded in the truth of "I Am," we can respond from a place of integrity and alignment, rather than fear.
Let’s explore how this works in practice:
1. Recognize the trigger: When you feel the urge to defend yourself, pause and ask, “What am I afraid of in this moment? Am I afraid of being wrong, or not being seen as competent or worthy?” This self-awareness allows you to step outside of the fear-based reaction.
2. Ground in your "I Am" identity: Affirm your true nature by saying, “I Am enough,”* or *“I Am worthy as I am.” This simple reminder reconnects you to your core and shifts you out of fear and into empowerment.
3. Respond with curiosity: Instead of reacting defensively, ask the other person to elaborate by saying, *“Tell me more.” This not only creates space for a deeper understanding but also reinforces your identity as someone who values growth and learning.
4. Reflect on your core values: As you listen, consider how your response can align with your core values—whether those values are integrity, kindness, open-mindedness, or personal growth. When you respond from this place, you strengthen your connection to your true self.
Rewriting Your "I Am" Story
The feeling of defensiveness is not just a reaction to a specific moment; it’s part of a larger narrative we carry about ourselves. By using "Tell me more" and connecting with the power of "I Am," you have the opportunity to rewrite that story.
Instead of being someone who needs to prove their worth, you can become someone who is open, curious, and always learning. Instead of reacting from fear, you can respond from a place of calm and confidence. This shift not only transforms how you engage with others, but also how you engage with yourself.
The next time you find yourself on the defensive, remember that it’s an opportunity to grow. By choosing to listen, explore, and affirm your true "I Am," you reclaim your power and transform fear into strength. In doing so, you align your actions with your deepest values and step into a more empowered, authentic version of yourself.
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