The Power of "Tell me More": Transforming Defensiveness into Growth Through "I Am"
- kmconsulting777
- Sep 22, 2024
- 5 min read
Updated: Mar 11
Why Defensiveness Holds You Back—and How to Shift It
In our day-to-day interactions, whether personal or professional, we all encounter moments where we feel the urge to defend ourselves or deflect information. Perhaps it’s during an argument with a loved one, receiving feedback at work, or when someone challenges our beliefs. These moments can trigger a knee-jerk reaction to protect ourselves, to justify, explain, or retreat behind a defensive wall.
But what if, instead of reacting with defensiveness, we used these moments as opportunities for growth by simply saying, “Tell me more”?
At its core, the impulse to defend ourselves often stems from fear—a fear of being wrong, misunderstood, or even unworthy. When we dig deeper into this fear, we find that it is rooted in how we define ourselves and the subconscious beliefs we hold about who we are. By shifting our mindset to one of curiosity and openness, and embracing the spiritual power of "I Am," we can move from fear-based reactions to a place of empowerment and growth.
💡 Want to transform your belief system? Read How "I Am" Statements Shape Your Beliefs to learn how your self-definition impacts every area of your life.
Defensiveness: A Mask for Fear
It’s easy to recognize defensiveness when it happens. You might feel your heart rate increase, your palms get sweaty, and a sense of unease wash over you as you prepare to shield yourself from what feels like an attack. But beneath the surface, what’s really happening?
Defensiveness is a form of resistance, and resistance is often rooted in fear. When someone questions or critiques us, it can trigger a fear response that says, “I am not enough,” or “I am wrong.” This fear of inadequacy, rejection, or failure can be overwhelming, and our ego steps in to protect us by building barriers—deflection, denial, or justification.
But the fear-based ego is not who we truly are. The core of our being is much more powerful, grounded in the divine truth of the "I Am" principle. This principle teaches that we are not defined by external opinions, judgments, or even our own limiting beliefs. We are defined by our conscious choice of who we claim to be. The defensive reaction we experience is a signal that we are operating from fear, rather than from the empowered, authentic self.
💡 Feeling stuck in fear? Read 5 Mindset Shifts to Cultivate Confidence During Life Transitions to move from fear-based reactions to self-assurance and growth.
The Power of "Tell Me More"
So how can we begin to break the cycle of defensiveness? It starts with a shift in perspective—a shift from fear to curiosity. In those moments when we feel the urge to defend ourselves, we can instead pause and say, “Tell me more.”
This simple phrase opens the door to deeper understanding and invites the other person to share their perspective without judgment. It’s a way of turning down the volume on fear and tuning into the present moment. By asking someone to tell you more, you’re signaling that you are willing to listen, to explore, and to learn. You are also reminding yourself that there is no need to defend your worth, because your worth is not in question.
How "Tell Me More" Transforms Conversations
Defuses tension – Responding with curiosity rather than defensiveness lowers emotional intensity and creates a space for open dialogue.
Invites deeper understanding – Asking the other person to elaborate helps you see their perspective and recognize blind spots in your own thinking.
Shifts from reaction to reflection – Instead of instantly responding to criticism or feedback, this phrase allows you to process the information thoughtfully.
Builds connection – When we listen with openness, we strengthen relationships and foster mutual respect.
Fear and the Disconnection from "I Am"
To fully understand the power of this approach, it’s important to examine the role of fear. As we’ve established, defensiveness is often a manifestation of fear—fear of being wrong, of being misunderstood, of losing control. But what is the root of that fear? It’s a disconnection from the "I Am" principle.
When we feel the need to defend or deflect, we are operating from a belief that we need to prove ourselves. This belief comes from a place of lack—“I am not enough,” “I am inadequate,” or “I am unworthy.” These fear-based beliefs form the foundation of how we perceive ourselves, and they are deeply embedded in our subconscious. As long as we operate from this limited identity, we will continue to feel the need to protect it through defensiveness.
However, the power of "I Am" offers a radical shift. This principle teaches that we have the ability to define ourselves through conscious choice, rather than through fear or external circumstances. By declaring "I Am," we affirm our true essence—whole, complete, and empowered. When we embrace this truth, the need for defensiveness dissolves, as we understand that our worth is intrinsic and unwavering.
💡 Want to strengthen your self-image? Read How "I Am" Statements Shape Your Beliefs to learn how affirmations can reshape your mindset.
Using "I Am" to Align with Core Values
By embracing the "I Am" principle, we can align our responses to situations—especially challenging ones—with our core values. When defensiveness arises, it’s a signal that our identity is being threatened in some way. But if we are grounded in the truth of "I Am," we can respond from a place of integrity and alignment, rather than fear.
How to Shift from Defensiveness to Empowerment:
Recognize the trigger – When you feel defensive, pause and ask, “What am I afraid of right now?”
Ground in your "I Am" identity – Reaffirm your truth: “I Am enough,” “I Am open to growth.”
Respond with curiosity – Instead of reacting, say, “Tell me more.”
Align with your values – Choose a response that reflects your deeper truths rather than fear.
💡 Want to redefine yourself through empowered action? Read Setting Goals from the Inside Out to align your mindset with your core values.
Rewriting Your "I Am" Story
The feeling of defensiveness is not just a reaction to a specific moment; it’s part of a larger narrative we carry about ourselves. By using "Tell me more" and connecting with the power of "I Am," you have the opportunity to rewrite that story.
Instead of being someone who needs to prove their worth, you can become someone who is open, curious, and always learning. Instead of reacting from fear, you can respond from a place of calm and confidence.
The next time you find yourself on the defensive, remember that it’s an opportunity for growth. By choosing to listen, explore, and affirm your true "I Am," you reclaim your power and transform fear into strength.
Take the Next Step Toward Growth & Self-Discovery
✨ Book a Free Mentorship Strategy Call to gain deeper self-awareness and improve your communication skills.
📖 Discover deeper mindset shifts in my book Awaken the Power Within.
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